That awkward moment when the worst father in the history of television handles gay talk to his son better than 90% of world’s parents.
here’s a tip: if you start dating a depressed person, don’t be surprised if they are still depressed while they are dating you.
they’re not depressed because they’re single, and you are not an all-powerful cure for mental illnesses. just be there for them.
Stop Being Bitter About Valentine’s Day
I like my post from last year’s Valentine’s Day so I wanted to re-post it and have it on this site too, so that’s next.Every February singles across America are bitter because they don’t have that “one special someone” to lavish them with love, or to lavish with love. They’re bitter because they feel as if the world has taken up arms against their singleness so they hate love, they hate positivity and they decide to hate their friends who happen to be in a romantic relationship. I happen to find that whole mindset to be ignorant, spiteful and stupid.It’s common enough knowledge around these here parts that I am single and I have never had a boyfriend. I’ve written a few times over the years about relationships, some things positive and some negative. I’ve also written about love a few times. Those last two overlap but whatever. My point is I’m single and I’ve been bitter about it, but Valentine’s Day doesn’t really make me bitter. I’m indifferent because I don’t really need to lean that far one way or the other.It’s also stupid for people who are single to pine, cry, and rage about Valentine’s Day when conversations like “Worst Valentine’s Gifts Ever" get written, every fucking year. Or how about "Valentine’s Dos and Don’ts" And to manipulate people there are lists such as "Gifts for Every Woman in Your Life”. People who are single take for granted all of this shit, I read it and make a confused face and laugh at the stupidity. Why is it also looked at as the man’s responsibility to make Valentine’s Day “perfect”? We’re I able to, I’d wine and dine my fella because I’d want to.Going back to single-bitterness, people have taken to calling February 14 “Singles Awareness Day”. I feel sorry for these people because they can’t accept everything else they have in their lives. I don’t have A Significant Other, I have many Significant Others, I generally call them ‘friends’ because that creeps all of us out a bit less. On a given week I interact with anywhere between 20-50 people who worry about me, who notice when they haven’t seen me in a while, who like to see me. Since last February I’ve made around ten new friends to hang out with, I’ve added a shit ton of Facebook friends, but that’s different, and I feel loved.I feel loved because I don’t sit around waiting for one person to tell me they care about me. I’m not waiting for one person to buy me flowers and candy, to take me out to dinner or to stay in watching some delightfully terrible movie because why should I put everything into one person? That’s too much stress and responsibility, it’s ridiculous.People say Valentine’s Day makes them aware of how tragically alone they are; that’s every fucking day. Think passively about the last movie you watched, just about any genre, there’s a male and female lead, they hate each other, then love each other, have a falling out then they get back together before the credits roll. Action movie: the action hero/ine rescues someone else and the victim they rescued falls madly in love with them half way through the movie, there are some sloppy make outs, maybe a fade to black sex scene and finally they walk hand in hand into the sunset after the victim’s been saved one last time. Romanctic comedy (I can’t remember the last movie that was just a romance without needing the poorly handled comedy) Super hot really successful woman meets super hot/moderately hot/seriously unattractive and unsuccessful man who teachers her how to live and love life again, they have a falling out over something she initially found endearing, they realize they can’t live with one another so they get back together. Credits. The comedy, male lead living a mediocre life meets super hot chick and cracks jokes about the main plot and some how gets his life entwined with hers, but not before they break it off for like a movie-day then get back together, a few more jokes and credits.And it just keeps going on, many movies have a lead and their romantic counterpart and it’s generally the same up and fucking down and people get pissed off because one day celebrates relationships. I’m more irritated that I have to deal with some hamfisted, unrealistic romantic relationship in my action movie instead of seeing more explosions, more trains crashing into each other and more monsters getting their asses handed to them. No, in the middle of the fight the leads realize this may be their last or their only chance to tell each other they love them, so movie time slows to like…30 seconds movie time equals 2 minutes real time, so their liplock is on DBZ levels and how fucking long has this been going on.I’m not lying when I say I wouldn’t want to wake up in the morning with someone else in my bed or that I don’t want someone else to think about me all the time, but I’m not going to hate other people or a holiday just because I don’t have any one else. I have many people. Hell, on Monday I walked around campus giving holographic dinosaurs, temporary tattoos and candy to people. I gave them to people who said they hated Valentine’s Day, and they told me I made their day better.Valentine’s Day isn’t about one person caring about you, it’s about anyone caring, it’s about knowing that people want you to be happy. I did what I did because I like giving people things, and I wanted candy but I didn’t want to eat the entire bag on my own. You know what’s amusing? Seeing a 23 year old geek out over a holographic dinosaur that shows it’s skeleton. Seeing the 27 year old who has real tattoos try to put a tie-die patterned peace sign on his forehead, or the 19 year old rush to put a creepily disembodied puppy on her wrist. And that people can’t resist the delicious taste of a Reese’s mini-cup or a Jolly Rancher lollipop. For a moment people forgot that they didn’t have a date for dinner and took joy in the kindness of a relative stranger.I don’t know, people put too much stock into one person caring about them that they forget about anybody else around them who notices when they’re not there. If you disappeared for even 24 hours and nobody knew where you went, I’m sure at least one person would wonder and be worried. I like to think about all of my relationships more then just thinking about my non-existent romantic relationshipsI dunno, I’ve just never understood the rage and hatred, especially when people in relationships still hate Valentine’s Day because they have to make an effort to prove to someone they love them. The hassle it all is because society puts so much into pushing one day of love and compassion that if the 14th sucks then the relationship is destined to fail. You never win it seems, so I’d rather be happy with many, seeing many and enjoying friendships instead of depressed with one and having no one else to spend my time with.
That’s what I wrote last year and I still feel the same. Platonic relationships are incredibly important and under valued. And my movie thing, I don’t think that hamfisted love plots make a narrative better, I really would rather see more explosions than a poorly constructed relationship. When I want to yell at the lead to tap that, I’ll watch a rom-com and then be mad at them pussyfooting around their mutual desire to rub genitals.
So there is something new to this, this year, instead of passing out bitchin’ temporary tattoos I made Love Bites, you can watch me make them:
I also recorded the video version of this very topic where i used a ridiculous analogy because that’s how I think.
So, those are my thoughts. I have been twitterpated, I have been bitter about my lack of a significant other, but it’s not the end of the world. Instead of being a bitch, do something nice for someone else, everyone I gave a love bite was so damn excited and happy, both the single and the spoken for. People like getting things and they like knowing that someone care, even as a friend. Go make someone smile instead of crying over not having someone to swap DNA and germs with, think about someone else and make their day better.
Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really.
The ever incredible Harry Belafonte & the irresistable Dorothy Dandridge in the classic "Carmen Jones" (1954) toe nail polish-dry scene. Perhaps the first time a Hollywood-distributed release portrayed blacks being sexy on screen in America. Pure class and one of my all-time favorite films!
Q:So Jim, why do do you date only monsters?
Jim: Not that I prefer monsters, it’s just that they come to me a lot more often than humans.
Alan Cumming spoke at length about his sexuality in a new Instinct interview.
Here’s his why-is-this-so-tough-for-y’all-to-grasp moment of explaining that you do not magically become un-bisexual despite being in a monogamous relationship:
"I have a healthy sexual appetite and a healthy imagination," Cumming told the magazine. "I still define myself as a bisexual even though I have chosen to be with Grant. I’m sexually attracted to the female form even though I am with a man and I just feel that bisexuals have a bad rap.”
This helped me a lot.
"We’ve had sex before" is the one I heard most from my ex, however most of these can be applied to my previous relationship. I am so glad that this is here.
Girls are not machines that you put kindness coins into until sex falls out.