Marred Observations

Oxford Comma

I thought I wrote this but it’s not in my queue so it disappeared. 

I don’t like that example in my previous post that’s in support of the Oxford Comma because it entirely ignored the hierarchy of importance. 

When presenting a list, or a title in a book, or art work, whatever’s most important gets named and listed first. In that example of why the oxford comma is ‘important’ it says ‘I partied with the strippers, George Bush and Batman’ which the person who came up with is using to imply that the strippers are named Bush and Batman. Following the Hierarchy of Importance, they are named Bush and Batman because the fact that you’re listing them as strippers means that it’s the most important thing about them.

The argument presents the second version, with the Oxford Comma. “I partied with the strippers, George Bush, and Batman’ which separates Bush and Batman from being strippers, but still places the unnamed and un numbered strippers as being more important than Batman or Bush. Why are the undocumented, unpersonafied and invisibly titled strippers more important that Bush and Batman, I mean, they’re named first so they should be super important, but they’re not. They’re stick figures. It’s  XKCD next to Cyanide and Happiness - no detail compared to just enough detail to differentiate between characters. 

Following the far more logical hierarchy of importance, you’d say “I partied with George Bush, Batman and the strippers.” There’s not loss of comprehension here and the Oxford Comma doesn’t add any information to the statement. There’s still some number of strippers who aren’t important enough to name or number, there’s still Bush and there’s still Batman. 

Listing who you’re hanging out with from vague to important turns the sentence into an inverted triangle. It doesn’t make sense in English to get to the point at the end of the sentence like that. The point is you’re A) going to party; B) with Bush and Batman; c) there are also some strippers. Unless there’s a dramatic pause for effect in holding Bush and Batman until the end, there’s no logical point in naming them after the strippers. I mean, if I were at a party with Bush and Batman, I’d first flip because Batman’s real and depending which Bush I’d have varying levels of enthusiasm as appropriate. 

Listing the strippers before Bush and Batman would be like going to a bar and ordering a coke and rum, tonic and gin or a neat whiskey. It’s wrong and puts the emphasis on the wrong part of the sentence. In English subjects are at the beginning to middle for a reason. 

So, no I don’t like the oxford comma, I hate the example of using it even more and I don’t even care that much. I have used it when the sentence needed it, even with the hierarchy of importance to the sentence, but for the most part, no, i don’t use the oxford comma. Amazing given I think I use too many commas otherwise and insert too many clauses into sentences, but I write how I speak which isn’t always in the right order. 

But i don’t care. I can’t care. who give a fuck about an oxford comma? I sure as fuck don’t, until I see people bitching about it and using this haggard and horrid ‘example’ as to why it’s ‘important’. If you structured your idea correctly, it wouldn’t be necessary. 

Now, I’m going to enjoy my gin and tonic while I party with sexy Iron Man, Dr. Strange  and these Chip n’ Dales.